The guilt within

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Gosh! What all can life do to you... Don't worry. Thankfully, life's been enough kind to me and I just have pathetic reasons to justify that...
Have I stopped writing? Have I stopped drawing? Have I stopped being at content and happy? Have I stopped doing all such things in which I used to take pride?

I hope the answer to all of the above is 'No'.

One activity that I merrily used to do was reading newspapers. I'm not sure if it had been the driving force behind the two of my interests, namely writing and drawing. 

Writing because reading keeps your mind envisioned and reading newspapers (especially the editorial section) provides you TOPICS to write about. Not to mention the subtle improvement in your vocabulary.

Drawing because, in the days of fierce competition, innovative photographs find a place in the columns of the newspapers, inspiring the artist within me to pick up pen(cil) and paper. 

Sample this
It's also got a place beside my seat at my workplace.

Besides I'm not much aware of the recently released movies; or the latest Bollywood songs at that. (They anyway don't have much to offer on a platter. There are only remakes of the old stock in the store.) Otherwise, the page especially devoted to cinema provides you with the needed tidbits. 

Another reason for me taking a backseat could be my work life which eats up 12 hours of my day.
Add to it the fact that I've spent around last 60 days sobbing and complaining. I wasn't liking my surroundings a bit. For the first time, I was in a place where I had a raw experience of the defects in any Indian system. 

In educational institutions, you're not much concerned with what others are doing. You just mind your own business with none to pull down your leg. You just get what you deserve. So I was upset that this is not the case here.

(I've tried sounding a little vague in the above lines because I'm not supposed to publicly bash that place.)

To sum it up, it's like a full circle gets complete where I'm not happy so I don't indulge in any activity I used to be interested in and because I don't do such creative things anymore which used to boost my confidence I don't get happiness.

Or it could simply be because of the uncontrollable and most evil urges of holding and swiping my phone doing nothing productive on it. 

In this age of the internet, either you can be creative or be the recipient of someone else's creativity (I'm talking about the distraction caused by the flush of web series, shows etc).

So now in the past week, I started writing this post and simultaneously started to draw a sketch (which I hope is capable of flaunting when I complete it).

 I hope I'll get back to the best version of myself and be able to shred off the persisting guilt within me of not carrying the tag of 'being jovial' any longer.

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