Do I lose? Often.

I think after achieving this 100-post-feet I should pen down a few anecdotes which depict my losses, (not the financial ones). 

None is perfect. Everyone is bound to make mistakes. You never know when do people start idolizing you which I don't want. Even your negative actions might be making an impression on someone else. So, all of it gives me a sense of responsibility to carefully take actions as people may be following my footsteps. 

Laughing? How did you find my joke? (Dr. Mash-hoor Gulati style?) 

It so happened once that after doing something silly I tried to cover up by saying, "I should keep on doing stuff like this before I become a goddess."

"Yes, you're," I was told totally unexpectedly. No matter if it was said in a joking spirit but I've now taken it seriously. Jokes apart. 

How obsessive I am. I've started portraying myself in a good light even in that post in which I intended to do completely opposite. 

Let's begin.

I got to know about a writing contest through my sibling who works in the postal department. Her department conducts such writing contest annually. To increase the count of entrant participants,  she asked me to submit my content. I usually am least interested in such competitions, and on hearing the topic on which we were supposed to write I became even more ignorant. 

But the thing with me is that sometimes I, myself, am unaware as to what would attract me. Unintentionally, I started to gather my thoughts. I didn't feel for the topic so it began by bashing the thing in the spotlight first and then, to cover it up, I polished the beginning and the ending of my article. In the end, I was so hopeful that I would secure some position, consolation if not a position holder.

I kept on checking the official site, enquiring again and again if the result has been declared. One day, I am being told the result has been declared so long ago. *Heartbreak*

In another so-called biased contest held by a reputed newspaper, I wrote a caption for a given picture. For one, I rarely get desired ideas and when you get them they are not as appealing as expected. So, I found that caption meeting both the criteria. Again, to my disappointment I found a very similarly worded caption getting the prize. That day I got a reality check of how things really work in India. "They must have put some money along with the caption in the envelope," I  consolingly said to myself.

The other day, to get rid of monotony in lunch-time, I and my friend decided to play paper ball targeting. I usually am good in paper-pen games so I was expecting an average performance in this one also, but to my surprise, I was terrible in it. I couldn't target very well whereas she was acing the game. To get an assurance that it's not only me who's bad, I asked another one of us to try hitting the target and unfortunately, even he also did well. Bad luck skills. 

I believe one should keep losing once in a while as it keeps from getting habitual to winning which is toxic. I think somewhere deep in my heart I have this fear of losing. It so happens that I might not even try out new things in front of others fearing they'll say how bad learner she is, even though none is thinking like that.

Leave alone trying new things, I even feared to play a sport in public which I used to play in the past, thinking I might not be that good in it now due to the passage of time.

Ending this up with this last instance: 

My nephew and I had sowed seeds for a plant to grow, but in our separate pots. Since my pot was bigger so it had seven seeds and his contained two seeds. Later on, it became a way of teasing because his two plants were growing at a sensational rate and for some unknown reason none of my plants were growing. He got a chance to guide me. He would suggest me stupid tricks that he believed had helped his plant; eg. to block the hole at the bottom of the pot so that water doesn't drain out or to water the plant to its full and remove the excess water thereafter. I lost hope, so I stopped watering my plant after a few weeks. 

Then, one day in the office I get a call from my mom. She told me that how a few of the seeds have started to sprout. I was surprised. On getting back home, she told me that she put her tricks of yesteryears in fields in use and succeeded.

So, yeah, I am not a go-getter, in fact, I tend to not drag things for long if they are not working out.