Homesick and Unsocial

I unashamedly admit that I am homesick. 

And the lockdown is only aiding that feeling.

I know people these days need a chance to get out of the home to visit that newly opened eating place or to be at the popular hot spot of the city.

I'm not saying I don't like doing such things but I think it involves a lot of effort to actually get ready. (Don't label me as a lazy girl because I believe I'm not.); or to find any newness in the same place that you've been to multiple times. I think I should stop now because mother nature will not forgive me otherwise for not admiring serenity.

I find social gatherings a bit boring. One has to greet so many people smilingly, some you know and some you're trying to remember. Lately, I went to the wedding of a cousin in a village. I haven't stayed in the village for more than one month, that too when I was a kid. Therefore, I don't know many faces. Even if I knew some, they have undergone facial changes with time and age. 

So, every time a distant relative of ours came to greet us, Mom and Dad met them happily whereas I kept on meeting them with a question mark in my mind. As soon as they left, I used to pop questions to my parents, who were they, in what relation do they stand to me etc. 

Similarly, I rarely go to weddings of colleagues. I know a lot of people who get bothered on not getting the invitation card. I get bothered on getting one. 

Once a colleague-cum-friend of ours broke out the news of her getting married. One of us asked, "So, will you invite us?" To which she nodded obviously. 

I almost impulsively let out the words, "Oho! I'll have to come to your wedding now." Immediately realising that I'll have to get into damage control now. 

Another instance of my social awkwardness is how one of my siblings keeps on getting this longing for an outing bi-monthly or so whereas I am least interested in them if it is not something new. I find the idea of going to the same place again and again not so amusing.

Have you heard of that law of inverse proportion? I think it is applying to me. No matter how much I try to run from people and society, my circle is increasing more and more. 

I have a different group of people to eat with, I've worked in so many wings and thus I get more invites to all the celebrations, I have different people with whom I travel so we keep on having munchies on the way.

It happens sometimes that I change my path so that I don't have to meet and greet the people. Not because I have any sort of disliking towards them. Perhaps it is because I don't have many stories to tell or many things to discuss. In fact, most of the people have some sort of gossips or something negative to talk about. I'm not complaining; they might be trying to get the load off their hearts.

Even in my office, when people come to me for some work, I'm too direct that I just give them straight answers to their queries, after that, I'm out of topics so they get bored and go back.
I've seen people who have the habit (or hobby, as it seems) of talking so much. I've witnessed such people getting out of their chairs to go visit other people, to sit with them, to hear and share their complete stories. 

Probably, they try to figure out and suggest solutions to the problems of daily life. 

I agree that sometimes you are so low that talking to people lightens your mood and someone may really offer you a great deal of help. But I think we can't completely alter the way we were actually wired like. And this is how I am.