Clarity of mind

Second thoughts are nowadays a common phenomenon in my brain. Be it about my routine life activities; or more closely about my writing abilities.

People often (though not so often) upon reading my blog tell me that I write well (Should have I eaten the humble pie or not?). Like always, I don’t take them seriously enough. I always have had this belief that it’s not the quality of my writing that is making them shower a few words of praise but the lack of bloggers in their circle. So they are just acknowledging someone who has chosen to opt for this so-called ‘extra-ordinary’ hobby.

People who know me personally know how fed up I’m of life and how blessings like ‘Live long’ seem like a curse to me. I can remember that once I was asking God for ‘Clarity of mind’ and not anything substantial. I fail to understand how can demons like Hirnyakashyap ask for being indestructible.

I wonder if it's a newly found problem that needs to get addressed because in my case it's been like that since childhood. I've seen people doing well in life because they had a distinctive aim since day 1. 

"What do you aspire to be?" I used to be asked. Generally, when you are not passionate about any of the things then your parent's proffession comes to your rescue. So I would say, 'Teacher'. 

Then I grew up a bit. I had to choose a stream. I was dead sure that I don't want to go into medical field for I didn't had enough gut to pursue it. And I will not go into 'Humanities' due to the stigma attached to it.

Somehow, I zeroed upon Non-medical in which I got admission easily (thanks to my decent grades in matric). Almost two weeks into it and I was complaining to mom to get me into coaching classes for all my fellow classmates were quick in answering, much quicker than me (something I didn't like at all because earlier I used to be the faster one). My parents didn't want me to exhaust all my energy in running from coaching to coaching, so they got me shifted to Commerce section in time. 

I often joke about this incident: That I was sure about what streams to not get into, and I practically tried the rest of the two. Such is my passion towards my career choice. 

In other spheres, people are so adamant on their viewpoint and stand firm to their opinion that sometimes it’s the other person who gets confused even if he’s right. I don’t know (even here I’m not clear) if it is due to my reading habit that my mind is open to so much of views and thus my ability to withstand even the opposing viewpoints or my understanding that I can see things from their angle.

I’ve come across views so clear that the concerned person believes that there is either black or white; they are yet to be introduced to the concept of grey. But talking about clarity, such is their vision. And here I’m, always open and welcoming to other possible viewpoints; no matter how much I disagree with them and how badly I want to mould the other person as per my approach.

On a lighter note, the ones who personally witnessed this incident would let out a smile on reading this: One person said to me, “You write such long and boring blog posts that I find it hard to read them till the end. Who anyway has so much of time to read such lengthy stuff. Start giving the crux of the whole blog post at the end, I can manage that much.”

Now who in this ‘non-binary’ world would explain to them that things are not always 0s or 1s. Not every problem or situation has only one outcome. Not all the coins have two sides, some have only one side – the counterfeit ones (khota sikka), while some have two – the regular ones; and thanks to this article on the personality-insights, from an observer’s point of view there are three sides (don’t forget the edge side). 

As more famously said there are 50 shades of grey, leave alone pure black or white. But finding yourself in this grey region for most of the times is a bit troublesome. And helpful at times too, because had I been so clear-headed who would’ve written such a LONG post then.