Ever-Changing me.

I had second thoughts that if I should write another post on the similar lines of the previous one. But then, with my last blog, I have left my readers lingering with the question “What are the changes - or you can say phases - that you’ve gone through many times?” (Just as I mentioned in my last post).

To begin with, I really don’t have many memories of my childhood. All I remember is that I used to play, most of the time, or all of the time for that matter. I don’t remember if I even talked much or not. I’ve always been the one listening to the stories of the others; not the one telling its stories. So I can say I used to be the silent one.

Then I shifted to another school and God knows why this change occurred but it did, and it was a bad change. Only the people around me would know how they bore me. I had airs - for no solid reason; I used to think of myself very highly, carrying my ego up on my sleeve. Giving warnings like you don’t consider me your friend so I won't talk to you, just to get the secrets revealed, as if forcing/expecting every third person to leak out their secrets to me and on not getting the desired response I actually stopped talking to them.

Thinking of it now, I would boycott such a person.

After a few years, God put some senses back in me. The ego level in my brain lowered down, thankfully. But from the silent one to the egoistic one, I turned into a person who used to bajao a lot. (I still am, but a smaller version of ‘that’ me). Call it the effect of my company or my chameleon nature; I started making fun of people. Wait! It is sounding bad, not fun of people, but of my friends - close or not so close.

Then, I used to be the student who did so much answering in my school days, even in the subject in which I am not so confident now, maybe at that time I was strong in that subject but the point is that I used to answer a lot.  In my college days, I used to sit on the first bench and my habit changed from answering out aloud to murmuring the answers. Because I used to be in proximity of the teacher, one of them used to hear my murmur and encourage me to answer out loud.

But how can I go on the right path, instead of going the right way I chose the opposite. I stopped answering at all, not even murmurs. Even if I knew the answer I didn’t answer it, not even if I wanted to answer the question. I know you might be getting pissed at this pointed but…… this is what I’ve turned into. From being an easily offended person, I’ve turned into an Ignorant person.

Another well-known fact that goes around girls is that they are very much excited for their birthdays. So was I. As a kid I always used to complain to my parents that you don’t celebrate my birthday that well; certainly not up to my expectations.

Gradually, situations change people change. Now I don’t get excited about my birthday. Earlier I used o remember on which day my birthday is this year, which day it was last year and which day it will be the next year. Now I don’t know any of it. And going by this trend, I’m afraid if one day I forget even my birth date. I don’t know if the reason for this change is the company of my family which belongs to 'the least-excited people' or it is because of the growing age associated with each birthday. (Nevertheless, we age on daily basis but the official declaration is on annual basis.)

Did I mention that my taste in music has also changed from Hindi/Bollywood Songs to English Songs? Earlier most of the songs in my playlist used to be Hindi but now most of the songs are English, then Punjabi and at last Hindi.

Okay! Okay!! I'm ending the post with this one, people around me say that you’re a little weird for I keep doing some or the other thing - be it sketches/drawings, or blogging or stuff like that. But I think I do these things to keep my ego intact; to keep myself up in my own eyes. I need to get a constant assurance that I’m not that bad. Because of some habits that I have like not going public and giving speeches or like I said earlier not answering even if I know and want to, I do other things as per my liking.

I know it sounds awkward but this is me - I don’t have a habit of telling people that…..

           No, I shouldn’t complete this sentence because if I did, it’ll betray the very message that this sentence would have conveyed.

Writer's Note: It takes a lot of guts to be writing stuff like this about yourself, admitting your mistakes, that too, on a public platform, although it is not so public ;)